Later Stages of Parenting

Posted by on Nov 4, 2014 in General, Parenting Stance, Parenting Techniques | 0 comments   The other day, a mother commented, “I have a son in his 40’s. There’s a lot of discussion about the stages of parenting up to college, but you never hear about the stages after. I find that there are a LOT of stages of parenting that come later — and they are important stages, really good stages, for the parent.” I love this idea. Watching my parenting slowly shift from full focus on the child (infancy) -> expanding focus to  include parental needs/desires (middle school) -> focus on modeling what an adult looks like in the world, and switching from co-creator to guide (high school and beyond) inspires me to wonder: what next? What are those later stages? Have you felt them? Lately, I have been watching myself as my kids left for college and I continue here on my own. The “Empty Nest Syndrome” is a topic for another blog post (or two or two hundred) and it has been quite an experience. One of the things I think about is how do I want to parent now? When my kids come back for vacation, what’s my role? What do I want my role to be? What kind of relationship do I want to create with my kids? If I don’t call them ‘kids,’ and ‘my young adults’ doesn’t sound right at all, I guess I get to call them by their names. I guess they aren’t ‘my kids’ anymore — they are...
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They’re on their phone again! I hate that!!

Posted by on Jun 6, 2014 in General | 0 comments I hear this a LOT. I also hear, “they’re always checking their email, and texting – it’s like I’m not even there!” Does this sound familiar to you? Well, guess what? These are teens talking about their parents. Kids who want to connect, talk in the car, hang out in silence next to their parents. But parents are checking email, picking up the call mid-sentence with a kid, texting at stoplights. These are kids who will be leaving the house in the next few years, and they are hungering for connection now. I invite you to step up and talk with intimate others about what boundaries around phones/screens work for you all. This is a perfect opportunity to:  identify and share your own values and desires around screens/phones model what effective parental leadership looks like  problem solve with kids about solutions – one to try for a week, and then try another, and work with the one that fits best have some fun! THe family can play around with ideas such as: texting your ‘texting teen’ when you want to connect and they’re sitting right there: “hey, want to do something fun?!” at meals, stack all phones in the middle of the table put all electronics to sleep at night at the same time (eek, not my ipad?!?) do something so fun together that phones/screens become irrelevant (roller coaster ride?) everyone take the day off together, and go on an electricity-free picnic and outing What works for your...
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HMD

Posted by on May 13, 2012 in General | 0 comments   To those who have shown kindness and firmness — placing others’ needs in front of their own — and have followed through, modeling strength and elegance, HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY! Now go put your feet...
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Expectations

Posted by on Dec 30, 2011 in General | 0 comments I thought I had a handle on expectations. I am pretty good at going with the flow and getting behind my kids to let them lead their own way on THEIR path. I even acknowledge that I am kind of tough on myself with the expectations I have for myself. All going normally; I thought I was doing okay. I was wrong. The holidays have really thwacked me this year around expectations. I’ve had to really think this through, and for me, it’s not the expectations of having a “perfect” holiday, but something far more insidious. I have an unyielding expectation that I must create good memories about this holiday. My kids are late teens, and I can feel the change coming. For me, that means that I must store as many good memories away as I can, stockpiling them for the future. I notice that I am ruthless with myself when there’s a wrinkle, while my heart opens up when there’s a moment of shared laughter. My expectations are sign posts letting me know that I am scared and want to protect, defend, and conserve — so it’s time for me to move toward relaxing more, embracing more, and softening. Happiest of New Year’s to...
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Be brave enough….

Posted by on Oct 12, 2011 in General | 0 comments You’ve got to love this from Brave Girls Club. Yes, you can take a stance to believe what you want to – it will get better. So many people I see are struggling right now. Yes, you can tell your teen you love them, sing while you drive, smile at others. Their response is irrelevant – it’s more about being how you want to be. You could stop reading right now and tell someone you love that you love them. Right now, this very minute, can be...
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Einstein’s point of view

Posted by on Oct 8, 2011 in General | 0 comments Thank you to Chris Pritchard for sharing this from Love-Worldwide’s Facebook page. Research has shown that only 12% of us have the ability to be high academic achievers, and our high school drop out rate is running at around 24%. (Don’t get me started on the state of our current education system..!) Thank you to Albert Einstein and Steve Jobs for reminding us to see the unique qualities in our kids and to support them in their creativity and strengths. And thank you to all the parents who are stepping up to see and support their kids in being who they...
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