To those who have shown kindness and firmness — placing others’ needs in front of their own — and have followed through, modeling strength and elegance, HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY! Now go put your feet up!

I thought I had a handle on expectations. I am pretty good at going with the flow and getting behind my kids to let them lead their own way on THEIR path. I even acknowledge that I am kind of tough on myself with the expectations I have for myself. All going normally; I thought I was doing okay.
I was wrong.
The holidays have really thwacked me this year around expectations. I’ve had to really think this through, and for me, it’s not the expectations of having a “perfect” holiday, but something far more insidious.
I have an unyielding expectation that I must create good memories about this holiday. My kids are late teens, and I can feel the change coming. For me, that means that I must store as many good memories away as I can, stockpiling them for the future.
I notice that I am ruthless with myself when there’s a wrinkle, while my heart opens up when there’s a moment of shared laughter. My expectations are sign posts letting me know that I am scared and want to protect, defend, and conserve — so it’s time for me to move toward relaxing more, embracing more, and softening.
Happiest of New Year’s to you!

You’ve got to love this from Brave Girls Club. Yes, you can take a stance to believe what you want to – it will get better.

So many people I see are struggling right now.

Yes, you can tell your teen you love them, sing while you drive, smile at others. Their response is irrelevant – it’s more about being how you want to be. You could stop reading right now and tell someone you love that you love them.

Right now, this very minute, can be good.

Thank you to Albert Einstein and Steve Jobs for reminding us to see the unique qualities in our kids and to support them in their creativity and strengths. And thank you to all the parents who are stepping up to see and support their kids in being who they are!

I’m in your corner.
I believe in you.
Wow, you’re really growing up!
I love you.

Any ideas?

Practice
Easy: Text your kid “I love you” every day.
More Challenging: Tell them directly that you believe in them.
Even More Challenging: Ask them how you can support them even more, “If you have any ideas about ways that I can support you, please let me know.”

AND when I can keep my voice s..l..o..w, I LIKE the way I sound. Kids can hear me better, I can hear me better, and I can stop being so reactive and start responding. In class, we ask, “Do you want to be more like Lil’ Kim, or more like Angelina Jolie?” You get the idea – I really like ME when I am slower and more in control.

The speed of my voice with my kids is my temperature gauge: how fast and hot am I running? In class, we use suggestions to get away from the ‘rapid responding mode’ – things like using a shrug (and then another one, if needed), or saying, “hmmm….” or saying, “That’s an interesting idea; I’ll have to think about that.” I like myself a lot more when I speak and respond slowly.
I also think of fights I have had and things I regretted saying — almost all of them were said fast. And I think back to my own teenage days, when I would make my parents mad and there would be yelling: time to tune out.
Practice:
easy: start to notice how quickly or slowly you speak.
more challenging: make a concerted effort to think first and speak more slowly.
even more challenging: Use nonverbals (shrug, hug, smile), and when you do speak to your child, use 7 words or less.